Toddlers are tiny terrorists with an appetite for destruction. Their curiosity and learning take hold of them and their lack of judgment makes for really creative messes. I have experienced this first-hand many times, despite my constant effort to keep a watchful eagle-eye on my kidiots.
I like to play this fun game on my Facebook Page – Parents Would You Rather. The hashtag #wouldyourather brings all sorts of people to my page and parents hash out their reasoning in the comments. [Join my Facebook Page for some fun like this!]. Just last week I posted the question “Would you rather leave your toddler unattended with a tube of toothpaste or a magic marker?”
It was a hypothetical question because no smart, decent parent would let their toddler alone with either of those weapons of mass destruction, right? Maybe. I am not a smart nor decent parent judging by those standards (by which I do not judge, so screw that!). I only wanted to take a shower at a decent hour in the morning. I have taken many showers (though probably a lot less than I should since having kids, but whatever) and although I have some incidents there hasn’t really been anything incredibly destructive since my oldest put lotion on my TV six years ago.
So I put on The Minions for the two devil-babies and hopped in the shower. It was a quick shower – no shaving, no deep conditioner just a wash, rinse repeat kind of experience. As I was drying off my daughter comes into the bathroom with what looks like a spoon full of toothpaste. I wasn’t too concerned because a spoonful of toothpaste actually isn’t that strange in my home. I figured they were screwing around in their bathroom and I would have to clean up some (a ton) of toothpaste out of the sink. Boy, was I freaking wrong.
After I got dressed I went to the kids’ bathroom to find it empty. The kids were silent in the living room. I walked around the corner to find both toddlers covered in toothpaste up to their armpits… my couch had no cushions because they were on the floor covered in toothpaste. Immediately Madeline blamed Henry. Henry proudly shows me his “picture”.
“Oh man, dad is gonna be pissed!” I told the kids. Dad and I made another poor parenting choice 2 years ago and bought brand new, nice couches knowing full well we had kids. Poor parenting choices.
“Bubble Bath Time!” I told the tiny terrorists and they marched into the bathroom, excited for a bath. It is quite strange that for little people who take such joy in being messy they take equal joy in getting clean.
I snapped a picture to send to their dad at work – because we might as well experience this nonsense together. It is my job as a mother to spread out the “What-The-F*ck” moments to everyone in the family.
Luckily we invested in a Bissel Shampooer a couple years ago and while the kids were sloshing around in the tub, I managed to get all the toothpaste off the couch and carpet.
So, while the consensus on my Facebook page was that most parents would rather leave a toddler unattended with toothpaste – I leave this as a warning. I chose a marker without knowing the awesome destructive power of toothpaste because I have known that makeup remover and a magic eraser removes sharpie from walls. You’re welcome.
So how do you keep calm when your kids have done something so freakin’ disastrous? I remind myself that messes can be cleaned, broken things can be replaced and kids can be sent to their rooms. I also like to make fun of myself and my kids on the internet. That helps too.